[] Fear Factor []
Last week 16th of July, was one of the most memorable days in my poly life thus far. Anyways, during my LMS class, we were asked to do three weird tasks. Firstly, we have to pick a random person in canteen one and ask for the person name. After doing so, as a group, sing a loud birthday song to the person. That was rather easy because it was done as a team thus, I wasn’t feeling much “shame” and I felt that it was fun! For our second task we had to ask a telephone number from the opposite sex whom we had never met. Well, initially in class, I thought it was rather easy to do, however, I was wrong. Actually was happen was, my girlfriend was actually in the canteen and I actually met her before doing this task. And so, she was there when I actually asked this girl by the name if shun li, for her contact. Well I must say, although I told her that it was just a project, I still felt weird, and uneasy. It’s a unexplainable feeling which I don’t know how to describe. Finally for the last task, we tried to imitate the Japanese mob prank! Well it worked kind of well but it’s below what I have actually expected. Really looking forward to this coming week’s LMS and hopefully, it would be an enriching one!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
[] Achieving SUCCESS []
... Defining Success ...
My Personal Definition of Success.
Success to me is simple. Firstly, no matter what I attain or achieve through the things I have done, as long as the people working with me or around me are happy and contented. I count that experience as a success. For me I feel that all the friendship and bonds I have with the friends around me is priceless as such, by attaining such a priceless gift is success to me! Secondly, is for me to achieve my life goals, which was stated at the past post. E.g. having a family. My goals are more focus on my values and believes and not so much on wealth and power.
What must be present for me to be proud and consider myself successful in the following areas?
Family: For me to support my family financially, enough to provide them with their daily needs and maybe some of their wants. For my family to be always bonded together and sharing all our life milestones as a family.
Career: I do not really put career as part of my success but if its needed, then I will say for me to climb up the corporate ladder without backstabbing any colleges or using any underhand methods.
Health: For me to be mobile and still kicking at the age of 75. And do not have any terminal diseases by then.
Love: To always love and to be loved by my future spouse and family. And love which is given unconditionally.
Money: To me, money is secondary, if it’s just enough to support my family, I count myself very successful.
Others: Friendship is also important. For me to have ten. Just ten close and trustworthy friends, I count myself the most successful man on earth.
Power: I do not need any power.
Remember that success is ultimately tied to happiness. What’s the point of having wealth, status, and career achievement if you are not happy doing what you are doing? Doing what you love, feeling satisfied and fulfilled in life, are what true success is all about.
... Keys to Success - Passion ...
Passion is an essential quality and the driving force behind success. With passion, we are energised to do bigger and bolder things, to be more than what we think we can be. If you do not love what you do, it is hard to consider yourself successful. Think about the successful people you know, invariably these are often very enthusiastic and driven people who care deeply about what they do.
What’s My Passion?
Well I honestly, only until today, I have really thought through about my passion. Firstly, the more physical passion would be running, watching movies, sleeping and maybe playing certain computer games. However, on the more mental passion, I have the passion to see people around be happy and laughing at the time. To see a mentally handicapped child trying it’s best to do a simple task when the whole world thought that he couldn't. I am not sure if there are really such things as mental or physical passion but to me, this is how I classify them.
Identify My Talents.
The three words which I feel best describes me are Funny, Caring and Loving. I feel that people admire me for the different talents I have such as bringing joy to everyone or at least put a smile on their faces. Some people might be envious about my physical appearances but I always feel that it’s a gift from my parents. Another physical talent I have would be the ability for me to pick up new things relatively fast, but I can never excel in any. I feel that I am unique in the sense that I can bring out the best in other people but not really in myself. However, from that experience, I actually learn more about the person regardless if it is positive or negative.
I feel that all my talents actually shape my passion because I will only do things which I think I am good at which would be my talents. Therefore all my talents and passion comes together. For example, I have the talent for bringing joy to people and my passion is to see a mentally handicapped child trying. So I would used my talent to get the child interested and bring out the best in him and motivate him to try!
My Passion-Driven Vision.
1. What would you love to do?
I really love to help people to realise their potential and seeing them succeed. And too see them being happy!
2. What are you capable of doing now?
I am capable in bring joy and laughter into people’s lives and to make them really happy!
3. What are your talents/ strengths? What makes you unique?
I must say I have somewhat, rather good communicating and influencing skills. Thus bringing out the best in them.
4. What do you want most out of life?
To always be myself and for me and my family to be happy.
MY VISION
I will make people around me happy and to realise the full potential (state what you want to do and is capable of doing), using my ability to make them happy and be more open to realise themselves (state your talents/ strengths, uniqueness), and in so doing achieve happiness.(state your life’s purpose or what you want most in life).
... Defining Success ...
My Personal Definition of Success.
Success to me is simple. Firstly, no matter what I attain or achieve through the things I have done, as long as the people working with me or around me are happy and contented. I count that experience as a success. For me I feel that all the friendship and bonds I have with the friends around me is priceless as such, by attaining such a priceless gift is success to me! Secondly, is for me to achieve my life goals, which was stated at the past post. E.g. having a family. My goals are more focus on my values and believes and not so much on wealth and power.
What must be present for me to be proud and consider myself successful in the following areas?
Family: For me to support my family financially, enough to provide them with their daily needs and maybe some of their wants. For my family to be always bonded together and sharing all our life milestones as a family.
Career: I do not really put career as part of my success but if its needed, then I will say for me to climb up the corporate ladder without backstabbing any colleges or using any underhand methods.
Health: For me to be mobile and still kicking at the age of 75. And do not have any terminal diseases by then.
Love: To always love and to be loved by my future spouse and family. And love which is given unconditionally.
Money: To me, money is secondary, if it’s just enough to support my family, I count myself very successful.
Others: Friendship is also important. For me to have ten. Just ten close and trustworthy friends, I count myself the most successful man on earth.
Power: I do not need any power.
Remember that success is ultimately tied to happiness. What’s the point of having wealth, status, and career achievement if you are not happy doing what you are doing? Doing what you love, feeling satisfied and fulfilled in life, are what true success is all about.
... Keys to Success - Passion ...
Passion is an essential quality and the driving force behind success. With passion, we are energised to do bigger and bolder things, to be more than what we think we can be. If you do not love what you do, it is hard to consider yourself successful. Think about the successful people you know, invariably these are often very enthusiastic and driven people who care deeply about what they do.
What’s My Passion?
Well I honestly, only until today, I have really thought through about my passion. Firstly, the more physical passion would be running, watching movies, sleeping and maybe playing certain computer games. However, on the more mental passion, I have the passion to see people around be happy and laughing at the time. To see a mentally handicapped child trying it’s best to do a simple task when the whole world thought that he couldn't. I am not sure if there are really such things as mental or physical passion but to me, this is how I classify them.
Identify My Talents.
The three words which I feel best describes me are Funny, Caring and Loving. I feel that people admire me for the different talents I have such as bringing joy to everyone or at least put a smile on their faces. Some people might be envious about my physical appearances but I always feel that it’s a gift from my parents. Another physical talent I have would be the ability for me to pick up new things relatively fast, but I can never excel in any. I feel that I am unique in the sense that I can bring out the best in other people but not really in myself. However, from that experience, I actually learn more about the person regardless if it is positive or negative.
I feel that all my talents actually shape my passion because I will only do things which I think I am good at which would be my talents. Therefore all my talents and passion comes together. For example, I have the talent for bringing joy to people and my passion is to see a mentally handicapped child trying. So I would used my talent to get the child interested and bring out the best in him and motivate him to try!
My Passion-Driven Vision.
1. What would you love to do?
I really love to help people to realise their potential and seeing them succeed. And too see them being happy!
2. What are you capable of doing now?
I am capable in bring joy and laughter into people’s lives and to make them really happy!
3. What are your talents/ strengths? What makes you unique?
I must say I have somewhat, rather good communicating and influencing skills. Thus bringing out the best in them.
4. What do you want most out of life?
To always be myself and for me and my family to be happy.
MY VISION
I will make people around me happy and to realise the full potential (state what you want to do and is capable of doing), using my ability to make them happy and be more open to realise themselves (state your talents/ strengths, uniqueness), and in so doing achieve happiness.(state your life’s purpose or what you want most in life).
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
[] Reflection of the conflict I recently had with my mum! []
It was only just the pasted weekend, I actually had I conflict with my mum. It happened like this.
Last Friday night, I went straight to my friend’s place from school for a game of Mahjong. It ended around 4am in the morning so I was contemplating if I should stay over at my friend’s place or head home because before the game started, I texted my brother, informing him that I would be playing Mahjong but didn’t inform him if I was coming home after the game. It’s a common practice in my house to ledge the main door before the whole house goes to bed, so I was worried that when I reached home, I might be locked out of home. In the end, I decided to call my brother and when he picked up, he was all grumpy and all. He also said the ‘F’word and hung up. And with that, I thought that if the door is ledged, I will be looked out of home and so I stayed at my friend’s place.
The next morning (Saturday), my mum called me in the morning and was asking me where I was and if I was home that night. I told her the TRUTH that I was staying at my friend’s place and then she started rattling off and reprimanded me. She told me that she didn’t like the idea of me staying over at my friend’s place, that I was being too much, getting from bad to worst and she has to answer to my father. My relationship with my dad is not really a good one as such; the first which came to my mind was, “if that guy didn’t asked for me, you wouldn’t be bugging me now right? So are you venting your frustration on me?” she also claimed that the door was not ledged. However, I didn’t say a word and let her rattle on and on till she stopped and hung up.
That was my conflict with my mother.
And after reading through the LMS notes on conflict management, and reflecting upon what had happened, I feel that there were some similarities. Firstly, feel that it is a Relationship Conflict, (caused by poor or miscommunication, stereotyping, strong negative emotions or repetitive negative behaviour) There was definitely a miscommunication as I didn’t know that the door was not ledge and if I knew it, I would have gone home and I didn’t know if she was calling me if she was getting an answer for my dad or she calls because she really cared.
The concepts underlying the conflict is simple, our values. She feels that it is not nice staying over at other people’s places but I feel that it was fine. Furthermore my friend didn’t mind and his parents were not in town. From this experience I have actually found out that the grudge for my dad is very significant because I was really disturbed when my mum actually brought him up. It also promotes me creativity as I found a new way to “counter” my mum’s rattling. Because parents will always feel and think that they are having more say then us so I thought instead of arguing with them, which doesn’t make sense as I will still be the same, I will just listen blankly and pretend that I am listening. The constructive view here is that I found out a new creative method to my mum’s rattling however the negative view is that the problem will never be solved.
It was only just the pasted weekend, I actually had I conflict with my mum. It happened like this.
Last Friday night, I went straight to my friend’s place from school for a game of Mahjong. It ended around 4am in the morning so I was contemplating if I should stay over at my friend’s place or head home because before the game started, I texted my brother, informing him that I would be playing Mahjong but didn’t inform him if I was coming home after the game. It’s a common practice in my house to ledge the main door before the whole house goes to bed, so I was worried that when I reached home, I might be locked out of home. In the end, I decided to call my brother and when he picked up, he was all grumpy and all. He also said the ‘F’word and hung up. And with that, I thought that if the door is ledged, I will be looked out of home and so I stayed at my friend’s place.
The next morning (Saturday), my mum called me in the morning and was asking me where I was and if I was home that night. I told her the TRUTH that I was staying at my friend’s place and then she started rattling off and reprimanded me. She told me that she didn’t like the idea of me staying over at my friend’s place, that I was being too much, getting from bad to worst and she has to answer to my father. My relationship with my dad is not really a good one as such; the first which came to my mind was, “if that guy didn’t asked for me, you wouldn’t be bugging me now right? So are you venting your frustration on me?” she also claimed that the door was not ledged. However, I didn’t say a word and let her rattle on and on till she stopped and hung up.
That was my conflict with my mother.
And after reading through the LMS notes on conflict management, and reflecting upon what had happened, I feel that there were some similarities. Firstly, feel that it is a Relationship Conflict, (caused by poor or miscommunication, stereotyping, strong negative emotions or repetitive negative behaviour) There was definitely a miscommunication as I didn’t know that the door was not ledge and if I knew it, I would have gone home and I didn’t know if she was calling me if she was getting an answer for my dad or she calls because she really cared.
The concepts underlying the conflict is simple, our values. She feels that it is not nice staying over at other people’s places but I feel that it was fine. Furthermore my friend didn’t mind and his parents were not in town. From this experience I have actually found out that the grudge for my dad is very significant because I was really disturbed when my mum actually brought him up. It also promotes me creativity as I found a new way to “counter” my mum’s rattling. Because parents will always feel and think that they are having more say then us so I thought instead of arguing with them, which doesn’t make sense as I will still be the same, I will just listen blankly and pretend that I am listening. The constructive view here is that I found out a new creative method to my mum’s rattling however the negative view is that the problem will never be solved.
Monday, July 7, 2008
[] Kare Anderson’s Model for Conflict Resolution []
Source: Anderson, Kare. (1999). Resolving Conflict Sooner. Freedom, California: The Crossing Press.
Step 1: Know yourself and focus on what is most important to you. Identify the best outcome you hope to attain, your goal, and the minimum acceptable outcome you’ll accept. What will the result look like? How does it relate to my bottom line? How will it make me feel? Would the solution bring you closer to other person?
Step 2: Probe for others’ needs. Don’t assume what the other person wants. Take time to validate your assumptions before acting on them. Give allowance for the other’s lack of self-awareness. Use it to anticipate trouble and skirt it. Anticipate how he reacts to your actions when you meet him to resolve the conflict. Speak in a manner that the other person feels comfortable to you. Look for sources of fear and anger.
Step 3: Invest time to build trust. Show that you are really listening. Acknowledge differences and seek suggestions on how to move towards a mutually agreeable solution. Spend more time to get to know him. Practise smiling and watch your body language. Ask important question and for advise so as to find out exactly WHAT HE WANTS, HOW HE FEELS. LISTEN to show respect and that he is being heard. Control your negative emotions.
Step 4: Address the other person’s interest first. If you have ideas that are close to his ideas, desires and value, spell them out clearly. Explain the benefits to him; demonstrate how they relate to your benefits. Begin with positive points, move on to negative news and end on a positive note. Providing more options will help you to move towards agreement. Stay flexible. Don’t argue if you are not prepared. Acknowledge but need not agree.
Source: Anderson, Kare. (1999). Resolving Conflict Sooner. Freedom, California: The Crossing Press.
Step 1: Know yourself and focus on what is most important to you. Identify the best outcome you hope to attain, your goal, and the minimum acceptable outcome you’ll accept. What will the result look like? How does it relate to my bottom line? How will it make me feel? Would the solution bring you closer to other person?
Step 2: Probe for others’ needs. Don’t assume what the other person wants. Take time to validate your assumptions before acting on them. Give allowance for the other’s lack of self-awareness. Use it to anticipate trouble and skirt it. Anticipate how he reacts to your actions when you meet him to resolve the conflict. Speak in a manner that the other person feels comfortable to you. Look for sources of fear and anger.
Step 3: Invest time to build trust. Show that you are really listening. Acknowledge differences and seek suggestions on how to move towards a mutually agreeable solution. Spend more time to get to know him. Practise smiling and watch your body language. Ask important question and for advise so as to find out exactly WHAT HE WANTS, HOW HE FEELS. LISTEN to show respect and that he is being heard. Control your negative emotions.
Step 4: Address the other person’s interest first. If you have ideas that are close to his ideas, desires and value, spell them out clearly. Explain the benefits to him; demonstrate how they relate to your benefits. Begin with positive points, move on to negative news and end on a positive note. Providing more options will help you to move towards agreement. Stay flexible. Don’t argue if you are not prepared. Acknowledge but need not agree.
[] Conflict Management Styles []
My Life Management Skills (LMS) class was asked to fill up a simple ten questions questionnaire which took not more then ten minutes. After completing it, we actually found out on our conflict management style. Here are the Five different types of classification. And well, I was classified under Collaborating (The Owls). Please fell free to read and understand me more. So in the future, it would be easier working with me!
Avoiding (The Turtle)
If you act like a turtle, you avoid or withdraw from a conflict or the other person. You give up your personal goals and relationships. Turtles feel helpless in a conflict and believe it is easier to withdraw (physically and psychologically) from a conflict than to face it. Withdrawing from a conflict over an important issue with a friend can be destructive.
Competing (The Shark)
If you act like a shark, your goals are highly important and relationships are less of a priority. You seek to achieve your goals at all costs, forcing others into submission and not caring if they like or accept you. Sharks often try to win by attacking, overpowering, overwhelming, and intimidating others. If this style is used with friends, the relationships will be affected.
Accommodating (The Teddy Bear)
Teddy bears value harmony and want to be accepted or liked by others. To teddy bears, relationships are of great importance while their own goals are of little importance. They will give up their goals and let the other person achieve his or hers.
Compromising (The Fox)
Foxes seek a compromise or middle ground when it appears that both parties cannot get what they want. They will sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to reach an agreement. They seek a conflict solution in which both sides gain something. Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and their relationships with others.
Collaborating (The Owls)
When your goals and relationships are highly important to you, you want to act like an owl. You will negotiate to seek solutions that satisfy your goals and those of the other person so that a high-quality relationship can be maintained. Owls see conflict as a means of improving relationships by reducing tension between two persons. They are not satisfied until the tensions and negative feelings have been fully resolved.
My Life Management Skills (LMS) class was asked to fill up a simple ten questions questionnaire which took not more then ten minutes. After completing it, we actually found out on our conflict management style. Here are the Five different types of classification. And well, I was classified under Collaborating (The Owls). Please fell free to read and understand me more. So in the future, it would be easier working with me!
Avoiding (The Turtle)
If you act like a turtle, you avoid or withdraw from a conflict or the other person. You give up your personal goals and relationships. Turtles feel helpless in a conflict and believe it is easier to withdraw (physically and psychologically) from a conflict than to face it. Withdrawing from a conflict over an important issue with a friend can be destructive.
Competing (The Shark)
If you act like a shark, your goals are highly important and relationships are less of a priority. You seek to achieve your goals at all costs, forcing others into submission and not caring if they like or accept you. Sharks often try to win by attacking, overpowering, overwhelming, and intimidating others. If this style is used with friends, the relationships will be affected.
Accommodating (The Teddy Bear)
Teddy bears value harmony and want to be accepted or liked by others. To teddy bears, relationships are of great importance while their own goals are of little importance. They will give up their goals and let the other person achieve his or hers.
Compromising (The Fox)
Foxes seek a compromise or middle ground when it appears that both parties cannot get what they want. They will sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to reach an agreement. They seek a conflict solution in which both sides gain something. Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and their relationships with others.
Collaborating (The Owls)
When your goals and relationships are highly important to you, you want to act like an owl. You will negotiate to seek solutions that satisfy your goals and those of the other person so that a high-quality relationship can be maintained. Owls see conflict as a means of improving relationships by reducing tension between two persons. They are not satisfied until the tensions and negative feelings have been fully resolved.
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